I started this morning with quite a lot of enthusiasm. I thought I was going to finish everything on my to do list. Unfortunately, that was not the case. Enter
I spent all day working on one task. I ended up neglecting my creative task – something that gives me life. I keep placing other people’s tasks before my joys and it is beginning to drain me.
But. I believe things will change. I started reading about Stoicism. It’s actually very similar to Ecclesiastes and much more in the Bible ( I’m thinking parts of Proverbs).
I’ve been asking myself why I care so much about other people’s opinion. I know the truth. I have a fear of being unloved. Most people want to feel like they belong. I am afraid I don’t, so I act fake all the time because Ithink other people want me to be that certain way. I can’t live that way anymore. I’m ready for a change.
It didn’t go so well today but as a start, I didn’t get angry at myself for being consumed by another task. It’s just life. I’m going to start my day by making something. I’m kind of excited.
I also hope my writing gets better. Ever since I got into design, I have found it difficult to express myself through words.
I’ve been updating my Etsy shop. What I noticed is that I am not very good with words and I am afraid to be myself, but I’m working on it.
I added a description to my store to write my story–why I do what I do. That is when I realized my creative work comes from reflecting on pain.
My first collection on the site, ‘BonBon’ came from my desperation to find joy. One source of joy for me was candy and baby colors. I picked my color palette first, then proceeded to figure out what to do with the materials.
I was feeling extremely ugly at the time and all these floral accents were quite popular come Spring and Summer. I automatically gravitated towards that. That resulted in beaded flowers intertwined with the stones.
To bring the collection together, I made some minimal pieces. I call them my ‘timid’ options. This is another way to enjoy the experience for the more subtle, laid back days.
I really like this stacked bead one. It actually reminds me ice cream. I initially tried to make it with a pin, but it made the dangle swing too rigid. That’s why I opted to string them together instead. There was more bend to the swing, making it more playful, dynamic, and youthful.
This collection was derived from my need for joy. Life will always be up and down, but I’m grateful that it has helped me write this story. It has taught me that we can make joy. We have the power to choose and to create.