I still haven’t recovered from feeling awful. I’m not sure why that is. I just feel aimless and that I am not getting anywhere in life. No matter what I do, it’s not giving me the results I want. All I understand is that I am doing something wrong, but the frustration stems from not knowing what I’m doing wrong. I am also very tired. I’ve been trying to figure out this problem everyday, I just want a break from it.
Worse of all is that I feel lonely. I feel like no one gets me. I cannot be upset in front of people because they will get annoyed. I cannot go up to anyone and say, “I feel sad and frustrated” and have them say back to me, “I know you’re having a tough time, but you will also figure it out. It’s ok to feel this way” and then give me a hug. I really just want a hug.
From most of my life, I have been alone. I’ve gone to every one of my close friends’ weddings alone. I’ve spent Valentine’s day with someone only once. He was a jerk to me. I think the worse feeling is that when I am happy, I have no one to share it with. I’m not saying my friends and family suck, but there are things they won’t be as excited as me about them–and I just want that person who would be.
But right now is not the time to mope. I need to figure my life out so I can be financially independent, alone or not. I feel like I can’t breathe.
What I want to do most is to move to a place where no one knows me and start over.
Oops, was just on Reddit and saw this:
Phewww. I am feeling a huge sense of relief. How did I not think of this? Life is just life.