Creating is My Energy

I woke up this morning feeling awful. Very awful. I felt hopeless, lost, and useless. These are very dangerous feelings to feel. I think you have experienced them too.

It completely paralyzed me today. I couldn’t get anything on my to-do list done. I staggered. I tried to do ‘things’. It felt like a day wasted.

It wasn’t until later afternoon, around 3pm or 4pm when the breeze kept brushing against my face like a pick-me-up saying, “move, move” did I get to work.

I grabbed my jewelry making tools and committed to one of my ideas. I made one pair of earrings for my shop, pictured above. In the midst of creating, I found my energy.

I know I love to make things. As a scraggy little kid, all I wanted to do was make arts and crafts, build Lego and complete my puzzles. It was exciting to watch something come to life, by my own hands. As I got older, I diverged into memorizing text, information, things I didn’t care much about. It made education a pain and I swore to never to go back to school.

It wasn’t until I decided to pick up a sewing class that I realized I had to create. I’ve created many things over the years. From YouTube videos, fashion items, furniture and businesses, but I never stuck to one long enough to make it into something.

I’m trying again today. To stick to jewelry. To commit to this blog. I really want to get back on YouTube. I really want to share my thoughts.

From my painful years after college to being in a condescending relationship, creating always gave me the comfort I needed.

I will be accountable for myself this time around. I don’t want to give up, because I don’t want to turn back.

If you ever feel pain in your heart, please DM me on Instagram @sy.dor. I understand how lonely it can be when there is no one to talk to near you.

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